BÊLIT & VALERIA #3, from Ablaze Publishing on July 13th, 2022, imagines a battle among the gods when the most bloodthirsty of them all, Crom, is awakened from his slumber.
The Details
- Written by: Max Bemis
- Art by: Rodney Buchemi
- Colors by: Dinei Ribeiro
- Letters by: Taylor Esposito
- Cover art by: Sebastián Fiumara
- Cover price: $3.99
- Release date: July 13, 2022
Was It Good?
BÊLIT & VALERIA #3 is something. It’s well and truly something. I don’t know what it is, but it exists.
This is going to be a very short review because this issue is almost unintelligible. When last we left Bêlit, she was about to be fed to a gigantic gorilla-spider. This issue starts somewhere else where a trickster-god-harpy named Bel seeks to protect her offspring while simultaneously attacking Crom who wakes up after an unexplained earthquake. It only gets weirder from there with the most mind-numbingly obtuse prose you’ll likely ever encounter in your life. Bemis mixes in flowery language about menstrual wetness, trans-phallic tails, wet nursing moons, and more. This issue is bizarre in a “what was he thinking?” kind of way.
Buchemi’s art somehow manages to stay in step with Bemis’ fever-dream madness. The character designs are interesting, Ribeiro’s colors are excellent, and the action is riveting, even if it’s nearly impossible to tell what’s happening.
The down point in the art is Esposito’s use of script font in the early narration. It’s very difficult to read, so it’s a poor creative choice.
Keep scrolling for a closer look at the covers, or Click Here to jump right to the story description with some spoilers.
What’s It About?
[SPOILERS AHEAD – Click here if you just want the score without spoilers]
If you don’t recall how Bêlit found herself at the mercy of a giant gorilla-spider, first read our BÊLIT & VALERIA #2 review.
We begin with Bêlit bound and about to be fed to a giant gorilla-spider. The narrator begins to describe nothing about the scene but launches into a nonsensical diatribe. Suddenly, the scene switches where Bêlit is substituted with a trickster god (goddess?) caring for her monstrous young when an earthquake shakes the world. The earthquake wakes Crom, the uncaring god of Conan legendry.
Crom goes on a killing spree, murdering other gods and their offspring. All the while, the nonsensical narrator continues spewing gibberish. Eventually, Bel and Crom come to blows. We conclude the issue with Bêlit getting upset over the bard’s writing and a resolution to the gorilla-spider’s attack.
Keep scrolling for a closer look at preview images of the internal pages, or Click Here to jump right to the score.
Final Thoughts
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BÊLIT & VALERIA #3 is almost an impossible book to recommend. The character designs are interesting, and the color pops, but the vast majority of the writing is nonsensical gibberish.
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